I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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