hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
