so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
BRING THE BAGELS
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
