im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
