You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize