im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
try to milk me bitch
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