My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
