Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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