As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
