This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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