Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
