If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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