My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
