I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
