Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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