Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
