Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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