you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
