Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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