I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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