Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
So many bounce houses so little time
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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