guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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