Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
