i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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