So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
