We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
