I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
