The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
