Well apparently he's into motor boating.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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