After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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