Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
its not stalking. its research.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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