Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
