All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
