He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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