I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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