i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
