I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
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