you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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