please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
