I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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