the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
