Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
