I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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