there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
