Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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