so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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