This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
