he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
