Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
