there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
