I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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