I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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