i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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