His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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