Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Randomize
