i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
We got so high we made milksteak
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
