apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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