We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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