Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
