The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You ruined the universe
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
