The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
