Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
