i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
