i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
