I seem to have left my pride at pride
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Watching her eat just hurts me
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
