Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
i think my cat just said my name.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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