dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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